


Don't Leave Me Behind

by Oblivion_Wanderer



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Doubt, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Worried Fíli, and kili is stubborn, being worried about his little brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 09:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4782866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oblivion_Wanderer/pseuds/Oblivion_Wanderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He'll hide it as best he can until he can't no more, but when that moment comes it'll hurt worse than the arrow wound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave Me Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Based of a sudden headcanon- Kili pretends he's well when he's not so they can get to Erebor, but when Thorin tells him he can't go with them, Kili, no doubt shocked, stops fighting and the poison of the arrow that he's been struggling against really hits him because he's given up and lost will.

He tenses and swallows hard as his leg spasms again, the pain alternating between numb and burning. He places a hand over the wound, pressing down on the wrapped binding. It's been like this all night and it's getting to a breaking point. He's seriously considering cutting his leg off. Trying to cope with the pain, his eyes are closed, head leaned back on the pillow. However he doesn't pick up someone rising from the bed next to him and coming near.

“Kili?” The voice of his brother, Fili, asks quietly. The brunet opens his eyes to see the face of Fili in the pale moonlight. “You alright?”

Kili nods furiously, not wanting his brother to worry. “I'm fine.”

No, he's not. Ever since they got to Laketown he's been feeling worse and worse off. The pain in his leg grew significantly and he's been barely able to sleep since he was shot by the arrow. Winter was settling in, so at first he chalked it up to that, but Kili knew that was no longer the case. But he couldn't let anyone else know. He'd already gotten them in trouble once.

Fili wasn't fooled. “No you're not. You hardly ate a thing at dinner.”

Kili avoided the blond's concerned gaze. It was true, but part of that was because of what happened at the armory as well. His leg had given out and he tumbled down a few steps, enough to give them away. The look on his uncle's face as he looked down at Kili- the young Dwarf could still see it. It was his fault they were caught. He hadn't felt like eating much after that. He had already felt sick enough as it was

Fili sat down next to his brother on the bed, leaning over to brush Kili's long hair from his face.

“You're warm, brother.”

“I'm fine.” He repeated. “I can't sleep. We leave for Erebor on the morrow, and I-”

“Kili.” Fili's call was firmer this time. “Please. You're worrying me.”

He was trying to think of a remark that would stop Fili from worrying, but none came as he was overcome by pain again, this time shooting up through his body and leaving him feeling sick. His hands curled in the sheets to try and channel the pain as it ran through him.

He tried his best not to show how it hurt, but his brother was on him in an instant. “Kili? Kili, are you with me?”

Kili weakly looked up at Fili, and managed a pained smile. “Still here. It's just the arrow wound healing. I've stressed it too much today.”

It made him feel guilty lying to Fili, his own brother, but it was for the best.

The blond gave a nod and kissed Kili's forehead, often as he had done when they were kids. “Sleep. It will help.”

Fili moved away from his brother and back to his own bed, but Kili knew that Fili had found out. He didn't know if he would tell Thorin or leave it alone, but that doesn't stop Kili from speaking out.

“Don't tell Thorin.” He said, his voice a whisper. He had to fight this, he had to get to Erebor, alongside his brother and the rest of the Company.

“Of course, my brother.”

 

* * *

 

Kili liked this coat he picked out. It was nice and warm and fancy, like all the other clothes they had been provided. The weather was cold outside so he bundled himself up in the coat and packed for the journey ahead. He'd already re-bound his leg in fresh cloth as well, not that it helped much.

The wound on his leg still ached, but Kili wasn't going to let that stop him. He's a son of Durin; he can't let something like this get the better of him. He's going to Erebor, even if it kills him.

Fili finds him as the Company is about to depart. He looks as equally prepared for the journey ahead.

“How you feeling?” He whispers so no one can hear them.

The younger brother shrugs. “Alright.” He conveniently leaves out the fact he's been feeling dizzy ever since he woke up. “You?”

“All set.”

“Let's go take back the mountain.”

He limps all the way to the docks, keeping close to his older brother. Fili stays close to him too, occasionally glancing back to Kili. He knows Fili is only keeping an eye on him, and gives him smiles in return.

Fili smiles back and it eases the pain welling up inside hurt a little less.

When they reach the docks, they all file into a boat. Fili steps on before him, and Kili means to follow. This was their first step on the last leg of the quest.

That it until Thorin reaches out and stops Kili.

“Not you.”

And he stands there, shocked.

“We must travel with speed; you will slow us down.” Thorin continues.

Kili bristles, looks at his uncle as if it's just a joke. “What are you talking about? I'm coming with you.”

“No, you're not.”

He can feel his heart sink at those words, and somehow it hurts worse than his leg. It was clear Thorin knew, probably from the moment they were found at the armory and now Thorin is leaving him here, leaving him behind. No- He has to go with them; he has to!

“I want to be there when the door opens,” Kili continues on, desperate, his voice wavering. Thorin can't do this to him! This can't be happening! “when we first look upon the halls of our Fathers-!”

“Kili.” Thorin cuts him off and gives a sympathetic smile. It doesn't help and Kili tries not to show how close he is to tears. “Rest. Join us when you're healed.”

He knew there was no convincing his uncle and reluctantly took in a shaky breath, retreating back away from the boat, but it only took a few steps before he went down to his knees. He took one glance back at the company and looked away.

He didn't want to stay, he could make it Erebor, he....

Kili wanted to cry.

A moment later he heard the shuffle of footsteps and he wearily looked up to see it was Oin.

The older Dwarf leaned down to his level. “Let's have a look at you, lad.”

“No.” Kili moaned, trying to move away. “You should be with the others.”

Oin continued to fuss about him, and Kili tried to shoo him away. He had already caused enough trouble, he didn't want to make anyone stay behind because of him. Still sorrow coiled painfully inside his chest knowing that Thorin was forcing him to stay behind.

Curling a hand in his jacket, the younger brother tried to fold into himself, then hearing an exclamation back from towards the boat.

“I will carry him if I must!”

Fili. No, Fili...

He heard snippets of Thorin talking and looked over towards the boat. He caught sight of Fili briefly before being distracted by Oin.

Kili side listened to the nearby conversation, able to catch Thorin saying, “Fili, don't be a fool.”

He looked back to his brother again, and their eyes met. He'd taken a step back onto the dock.

“I belong with my brother.” Fili growled. That's what broke Kili; he was going to stay.

 _'Fili, don't.'_ He silently pleaded.

All he could do was watch with narrowed eyes as Fili trudged away from the boat and back to him and Oin. Kili looked down at the wood of the dock, even as his brother came up beside him and tried to get his attention.

“Idiot.” Kili mumbled, voice thick. “You shouldn't have stayed.”

“I'm not leaving you behind, Kili.” Fili said, putting an arm around him.

While Fili and Oin watched the rest of the Company sail away, Kili couldn't bring himself to look.

Useless. So useless. Kili would have fought tooth and nail to get to Erebor, even with the wound in his leg, but it wasn't any good now. Thorin left him here, and now Kili had inadvertently kept Oin and Fili here as well, far away from where they were going. He shuddered, think that this must be his punishment for screwing up in the armory.

He'd let them all down, because he was so useless.

Kili felt the energy draining out of his body, not hearing Bofur approach (he'd forgotten the other Dwarf hadn't shown up before they left). There was no point anymore.

His breath hitched and he fell forward with a groan, his brother's arms catching him. Kili clutched a hand to his chest, feeling overwhelmed and sick. He leaned against his brother, all strength having left him. His leg hurt like fire and it was spreading up through his body.

Everything turned into a blur after that, barely being able to pick out Fili's worried cries both to Kili and asking anyone to help them.

He grabbed onto Fili's hand in the confusion, wanting to have something to cling to in the haze. Simply it was because Kili was scared, not exactly grasping what was going on and afraid he was dying. He was so close to Erebor, the mountain in the distance viewed from Laketown, but that dream his uncle had told him stories of had been snatched from him. So he resigned himself to what he knew he couldn't keep at bay, the true severity of the wound that he knew was worse than it first seemed. 

The next thing he remembered was being set on a bed in what he assumed was Bard's house. He tried to speak, but he couldn't; it came out in a hoarse cry. His whole body hurt and felt horribly warm.

"He's burning up!" Kili could hear someone exclaim. He winced as a wet cloth was dabbed across his forehead, but he welcomed the cool sensation. 

"Fili." He choked. His brother's face came into view.

"I'm here, Kili." He said, though there was panic clearly written across his older brother's face. "We're at Bard's home."

Fili... at least he was here. Yet...

"I'm sorry..." He whispered.

"What?" Fili replied, sounding puzzled. "My little brother, whatever for?"

"You shouldn't have stayed behind."

Fili didn't say anything; he brought a chair near and sat beside Kili, taking his hand. "Try and rest."

Kili nodded, but the guilt still clouded his mind, as well as fever.

 _'Forgive me, mother, Fili,_ _u_ _ncle.'_ He thought as he fell into a fitful, restless sleep.


End file.
